2014-03-25
Ketchup
Well it's obviously been years since I've written here. I just reread my last entry and laughed a bit.
Ah forgiveness ... what a thing that is. When I looked back on the cast of characters I couldn't help but laugh. Chris and Desiree ... oh thank you Jesus for the bullet dodged. To be 100% honest with myself and the world ... I never loved him. Not even a bit. I was in love with the idea that someone picked me and in love with the idea of having someone. We had nothing in common, no common likes, and it was basically shared using for whatever needs we had. Desiree was played by Chris, lied to about a lot, believed in him, acted accordingly, and felt she won the prize. She won, I'm grateful!
Jonathon ... I seldom think of him any more. It's been 20 years since he hit me. I'm still handicapped ... nothing has changed there. He's ... where ever he is. Don't know and it doesn't matter in my life. My life is what it is and it's a good life. Being physically altered changed my life, but some times I think it's for the better. That doesn't mean I don't long for a body that works, but there is more acceptance and also an admiration for what I can do.
Lori ... that is still a sadness for me, but since I've cut off friends without explanation, I accept her right to do the same. I probably wasn't the friend she wanted or needed and I'm sorry for that, but water under the bridge is all that is now.
Mom and I have a good relationship to some extent now. Perhaps we've both grown up there. Perhaps it is the knowledge that what exists will only have a few more years ...
Life is ... well it is ... and for now that's enough.