2009-03-23
I'm ready to be the crazy cat lady
It�s odd, I have this forum to throw my random thoughts into, but not a single real life voice to share the same thoughts with. There is no one I am comfortable with saying �I seriously need to talk� and then following through with that. Mostly because I�d just get the stock answers that are meant to dissolve the issue like bleach on a stain. Bringing things up that bother me any more makes me just wallow in the guilt of bothering someone in the first place.
Pretty much it�s life in general that is slowly killing me. For example, last weekend I got my hair cut. Two people commented on it. One simply said �oh you got your hair cut� and when I said yes, I did, that was the end of it. The other, Evil G, said �do you HONESTLY like your hair like that?�
Last Thursday night I coughed and puked bad enough to give myself a black eye from a blood vessel breaking. Two people at work, out of the 10+ I talked face to face with, even noticed to comment on it.
I have coworkers who can�t wait to tell ME what is going on with their lives. Do I get a �how are you?� back?
Gutshow has stopped talking to me, which is fine personally, but fucking annoying for work matters. She doesn�t respond to work related issues from me. If it comes to it, supervisors will be involved. She�s fucking 60 and got pissed at me when I wasn�t sympathetic to her loneliness. Did you know that I can�t be lonely because I have a boyfriend? What the fuck ever.
I�m at the point now that I envy people who have died because they got out of life. Horrible of me isn�t it? Here people die in the world around me in crazy, simple ways, but I survive a car wreck just to wonder more often than not why.
I don�t think it�s that I want to be dead, it�s that I want peace and contentment. I suppose I need to look harder for that.