2008-05-01
excuses excuses
Funny thing how music can lift your spirit and heal your soul a bit. Even funnier is when the healers are a bunch of old musicians with a new release. It’s a little after 8 in the morning and I’m listening to good ol’ Joe, Phil, Rick, Rick and Viv (Def Lep!) It’s like my own little time warp combined with a shot of all that is good.
I’ve been a Lep fan for years, even meeting them in the early 90s. Good times, yes indeed. The new release is pretty darn fine. More like their old stuff, yet better. I have to admit the pairing of them with Tim McGraw is strange as hell, but it so works.
So why the mood? Why the funk? I’ve been feeling abandoned and I’ve let that justify giving up. Having the BL thing suck so hard has really been a blow to me. I was so excited about it. It’s now the third week, I’ve not heard from my personal coach, and we were suppose to be measured this week to check our progress. Not that I have any progress. For me it would be checking my regression.
I haven’t been to the gym in over a week. I’m suffering because of it too. My left arm is working as well as a fish stick would for doing things. I actually have to help it to the keyboard. Two weeks ago I could use it to get things out of the above stove microwave.
Who do I have to blame?
Me.
Only me.
I’m so tired of being let down, but honest truth is that I am the one letting myself down. I’m the one who finds reasons to fail, reasons to give up, reasons to not love myself.
I’m sick of drowning in it all.
I just want to love myself.