2008-04-11
what is the measure of (wo)man?
This morning at 6 am I went to have my measurements taken for the BL event. Plus the perky fit woman did my body fat measurements by hooking up wires to me with really strong sticky pads.
The result?
I’m fat.
I know, I was shocked too! Not only am I fat, but I’m rather large around. Well, except for the boobs. Only thing smaller than my chest was my thighs, but really, that’s not saying much. My thighs measured a number that two Hollywood “actresses” could fit into. Of course, that doesn’t sound bad when you realize they have a waist measurement of 3 inches ….
Let’s not forget my body fat … oh lordy how can I? How charming is it to start your Friday knowing your very own body is more than 50% fat! That’s right, more than. Like “New and improved! Now with more lardy fat!”
Can I be honest? It sucks to be this size. It sucks great big green donkey dicks truthfully. As depressing as the information was to get, I realize I have two paths I can take. I can ostrich and stick my head in the sand or I can change things. Obviously I’m taking the path of change or I wouldn’t have submitted myself to this in the first place.
Last night I got my calorie counter in the mail so I broke it open and entered my food and exercise for the day. Needless to say, I found out why I’m not losing weight. I think that little gadget is going to really help me. Thank heavens it doesn’t talk though. I could just imagine it saying “what the FUCK did you eat that for???” and then mooing at me.
Beth, the uber perky woman who measured me already has wheels churning for me with an exercise program. She was double checking my gimp limits to see what she can come up with. Considering it was 6 am and she’d been at the facility since 4 and looked so energetic I think she could have cartwheeled around the fitness center, I am guessing she’s going to help me find the right way to change my body.
I’m excited. I’m nervous. Did I mention I want to win this freaking thing? Did I mention I was to have a change in numbers that leaves open jaws and makes people say “wow!” Will it make everyone feel more secure about my mental status if I say that I just want to see a positive change, no matter what size, because let’s face it, that’s what the hokey pokey is all about.