2008-02-20
a better day
Today is easier. I think a big part of it is that for the most part we are no longer the lead story in the news. Also the hoards of news vans are gone for now. They will be back Sunday for the campus wide memorial and of course on Monday to document the return of the students.
The biggest thing now is how do you adapt to joining a club that no one wants to be in? I have to say that the VT people have been amazing in their outreach of support, understanding, and love. It really does help to have someone really get it ...
What bothers me is the thought that some day it will be us reaching out to the next school. Oh sure, I could play the optimist, but really, it happened here, in the middle of nowhere, so it would be fruitless to say it won't ever happen again.
If you haven't seen the news or read a paper in a week, what happened was a former student opened fire in a lecture hall, shooting 22 people, 5 of which died. It was in a building next to mine. One of my coworkers was leaving at the time and heard the shots (some 60 of them) and saw students running through the tree bank screaming.
My building was put on lock down until we could be escorted out through the protection of a swat team. None of us knew it at the time, but the initial report was he was headed to our building. Thankfully he'd actually blown his own head off at the shooting site, but it wasn't until much later that we knew that.
It was pure terror getting off campus. Hell, getting to my car was bad enough. I can't run. Lord how I wish I could run. I'm working on that ...
All I could think was that if I got to my car I could always run over a gunman if I needed to.
I drove to my parents house, where I had the dry heaves, and had the first of many meltdowns. Cell phones were down, regular phone lines were down on campus, but I was able to tell M that I was ok and he said MiddleSon was fine too.
My two oldest nieces and their mom, my sil, were going crazy trying to find me. I should have been off work, but stayed for an interview. My cell phone was going straight to email, they knew my building was next to the lecture hall, they called all the places they could think of. When they finally found me I just cried and cried. Part shock, part knowing how much they love me. Yeah, I should never doubt that again.
Getting home felt good. Seeing my office window on the national news was a not so pleasant feeling. Having my school's name be the lead story in every newscast made me feel like I had a learning disability. Each time I'd have to process that yes, it's my school, yes, that's my campus. Hey look, there's the president of my university! Oh shit, that's my parking space ...
System overload anyone?
Friday we had a wonderful vigil ... wonderful except for a "special" speaker, Jess*cough*E*cough*Jackass, who actually said while we've lost 5 here, let's not forget we have lost 4000 in 4 years in Iraq. Thanks for negating the tragedy you dumb fuck nut.
The community has been great. Heck the whole world has been great. I already miss being the little U that people never heard of, but I'm proud to be an alumni and staff member of the little U with an unmeasurable amount of strength.