2007-10-01
39 and happy
It was a very nice birthday weekend. I'm not good with the attention birthdays give me, namely parties, so I told M I did not want one this year.
Surprise! I had a party. It was yesterday at his sister's house. I kind of knew it was going to happen, but I didn't know that it was not completely at M's insistance. No, his sister and mother were both of the "I'll be damned if we aren't having a b-day party for her!!!" and a party they had. All three of M's boys showed up. That was rather shocking. Even more so since they were suppose to be helping their maternal grandmother move into their uncle's house. Apparently they talked to their mother to find out if there was a way to do both.
The fact that she did allow this astounds me. Either she has some appreciation for what I do for her kids or she plans to use this against M. Since she hasn't used anything against him that way in years, I'm almost willing to think she has some kind of ... well ... I'm not sure what ... but she must think something positive about me. How odd. How very very odd.
M's family is so very different than mine. My family is more, oh how to say it, boring when it comes to presents. Most of my life it was "what do you want for your birthday?" and when I'd mention something I really wanted I'd be told that was a waste of money or a frivolous item. After a while, you stop answering the question and just say "surprise me." Now I just get money from the folks.
M's family actual thinks about the person they are buying something for and get some really great things! I got a sweatshirt, chocolates, a walmart gift certificate, bookmarks, and other things. It was really special, but every year I feel so weird having the attention on me. I try to explain this to them, but they tell me to just get used to it.
How do I get used to it? Every year I'm shocked by the generousity and thought in the gifts they give. They point out that I do the same for them. I'm also not used to people spending money on me. His family spends on me. Spends like I'm a daughter-in-law/sister-in-law/member of the family. His family does things for me that make me feel like I'm part of a tv family or something. It's really something to experience ... but something special. Made me cry, but they are always doing that to me.
The other thing is they don't hesitate to tell me how speical and loved I am by them. My brothers and I have just started being able to say "I love you" to each other without feeling awkward. Having his family say "we did this because you are worth it and we want to celebrate your birthday with you" is ... oh how the hell do you put it in words?
I guess a comparison would do the best. M's family put on a SPREAD for my party, even down to having decorations in my favorite color, purple.
The last b-day party I had with my family, my mother asked what I wanted for my dinner and when I told her, she said it was too much work.
Is it any wonder it is hard to get this all through my head?
Is it any wonder that the little voice in my head still can't accept I might be worth it?
*sigh*