2007-09-13
pardon me, is that my positive attitude?
Would you believe the note on my dashboard has worked? I have loved myself enough to work out. Left at the unicorn has become some kind of weird mantra for me. I greatly want a unicorn charm, but so far I’ve not found one I both like and can afford.
I definitely feel like this is the beginning of my evolution. I’ve finally reached a point where I’m going to go for it, whatever it might end up being. Like I posted the other day, I can’t guarantee my own results from eating right and working out. It’s probably safe to say I’ll be smaller and healthier.
I’d say that the healthier part is immediate. Even if I work out 10 minutes, that’s 10 minutes more than being a slug. When you weigh slug behavior against any amount of movement, movement puts you ahead of slug status. Isn’t that a good thing, no, a great thing?
It’s the smaller part that I think betrays every person trying to lose weight. It’s never fast enough, but it doesn’t help that we, as the “dieter” are always the last to be positive about it. For example, do you ever think you are having a lighter day? You know the kind of day you wake up, look in the mirror, swear your face isn’t as full, then think “hey, I think I’ll pull those jeans out of the back of the closet and see how they fit!” As the jeans get stuck on your thighs, you immediately proclaim yourself fatter than fat, berate yourself for stupidly thinking you could be smaller and whether you say it out loud or not, the day is shot to hell.
I’m tired of shooting my days to hell. I don’t need the help doing it; I’ve got plenty of sources trying to do that without aiding the cause! I’m focusing on making my days matter, especially when it comes to my health and size. I’ve stepped up challenging myself in my workouts. I’ve accepted that cardio can exhaust more muscles than just your heart. It’s ok for my legs to burn a bit because I’m working at a new level. It’s ok to try something new or hard. Last night I did a program on a cardio machine that worked me at a lower level for 45 seconds, then for 15 seconds it tried not only to make my lungs explode, but to make my leg muscles spontaneously explode. For the 15 seconds of each minute, I at first thought “I’m going to die! I’m going to pass out, hit my head on this, and die!” As I got going I realized “hey, it’s only 15 seconds, let’s see what I can do for that 15!” Ok, so it was also at the point that I started fantasizing that B0b H@rper from B1ggest L0ser was standing in front of me screaming “go go go Karen! Come on! Work it hard!” What mattered most is I challenged myself. Had it been too much for me, I would have lowered the intensity to find that spot where it’s a challenge and not a precursor to my own funeral.
That’s the other problem isn’t it? It huuuuuuuuuuuuuuurts! Working out is hard, it causes ….. pain and who wants to cause pain to themselves without there being some sort of pleasure? What’s your personal mantra when you are working out? Does it go something like this: “I don’t wanna do this anymore! It hurts! This is hard! I can’t do this! Who the fuck could enjoy this? Oh dear heavens the paaaaaaaaaaain! Kill me! Kill me now!”
Or is that just me?
It’s really hard to keep going when your brain is in that cycle. For me I’ve realized that when my body is saying “I hate you, die die die” because of what it’s doing, it’s time to back down a bit. I cannot handle 5 minutes straight of what I did for 15 seconds. When I was really pushing it, those 15 seconds were as long as an all day seminar on how they put pimentos in olives given by a guy who speaks in a monotone voice. But then there was the relief of that being over … and the slow build up of “holy shit batman, I did it!” Then I got to where I anticipated those 15 seconds as a chance to see what my body could do. I kept this cycle up for 40 minutes!
A challenge, not a funeral.
Challenge yourself today. Take your “there’s no way I can _________” statement and back it up to what you can do. I can’t jog for 10 minutes but I can ? (walk fast for 10? Jog for 1, walk 4, jog 1, walk 4?) Break it down and accept the challenge.
Just keep in mind one little thing …
B0b is all mine! Get your own fantasy trainer!