2007-05-24
I'm in a good mood damn it!
Ok, first things first – if you are working on weight loss for the billionth time, you oh so have to read this book: Sec.rets of a for.mer fat gi.rl. I’m separating the words just on the off chance someone in real life that I’ve been hawking this book to googles it. That just wouldn’t be good. I have to say that she’s the very first writer that has successfully tackled what is in my head. She has helped me shut up that nagging inner voice that whines about want want wanting things. Plus she lost 70 pounds and has kept it off 20 years, so you know she gets it.
I’m getting it too. I am really feeling focused and capable, and that’s something I have not been able to say for a long time. I’ve also been realizing that it’s not about perfection, which is something I always fall into subconsciously. I’ve actually cut my workouts down to a half hour. Why? Because 45-50 minutes just sounds like forever and I talk myself out of it. Now I’m telling myself 30 minutes, there’s no option. If I do more, so be it, but skipping isn’t an option. 30 minutes is a blip in my afternoon. I’ll even admit it … it’s no big fucking deal. Maybe I’ll work up to 45+ … maybe I won’t. Driving to work today I really thought about what that means to shave that time off my workout. Yes, I am working out less when I’m at the gym, but I’m willing to go to the gym now. I have gone two days in a row and I’m going tonight. I’ve exercised 65 minutes this week. I was lucky to make it twice a week before. I’m not a mathematical genius, but I do believe it’s simple to see that 5-6 times at a half hour gives me 2 ½-3 hours of gym time, vs. my sporadic 45 minute sessions (of which I did ONE last week.)
One of the things in the book that is helping is that she suggests you keep it a secret for a while. It’s hard to do, but I am doing it. I am telling select people who I know I can deal with if they try to steer me wrong. I’m not telling M. Why? He sabotages me. No, he doesn’t mean to be cruel, it’s just that when he knows I’m trying to lose weight he says things like “but a little now doesn’t matter.” When he doesn’t know I’m trying to lose he just accepts that I don’t want something.
In the past I’ve told the evil not-a-stepmother (aka mom) and that is the biggest fucking mistake in all the world of dieting. Seriously, anyone thinking of losing weight, if you tell my mother, you’re fucked. She’ll beat you down until you are sitting in a corner sucking the filling out of ding-dongs and singing softly to yourself. I’m not telling her. Nope. No way. Even when it starts to show my comment to “have you lost weight?” is going to be “I dunno? Have I?” and I’ll shrug my shoulders.
It also helps that she is distracted by one of my brothers, who is doing atk.ins and has lost 40 pounds. It’s all about him, how wonderful he is, and how I should be like him. Yeah, like *I* will ever give up carbs. I feel bad for him if she turns evil on him. She might not, since he’s a son and not me. He loses 40 and she tells the world. I lose 180 and she tells me I’m still fat. Hmmm …
When it comes to real life support, I’m like a woman with EEE boobs with a training bra --- nothing to hold me up. I’ve told two flesh and blood people about this book and that I’m reading it and following her advice. That’s as much as I am going to share with them. Part of me wants to shout it to you all how well it’s working … but I’m not going to. Not yet. I’ll wait until you notice …
*grin*
I’m taking tomorrow off work and have Monday off for Memorial Day. One long weekend coming up and so very much deserved!
Take care everyone and BUCKLE UP!