2007-04-11
way too soon, way too wrong
Yesterday was the hardest visitation I have ever gone to. All the rest I've ever gone to, minus one, have been for elderly relatives. As sad as those are, as much as you'll miss them, you find comfort that they had a long life.
Not so yesterday. Not a long life. Not at all. Thirty-three years is barely getting started. Granted she accomplished more than most do in a life time, it doesn't diminish the fact that she left the world way too soon.
So many things left my heart just aching yesterday. Hearing her husband say how they said good-bye as she returned to work and he finished his spaghetti-o's, not knowing that was the last time he'd hear her talk to him ...
Having her father tell me how he spent the first two weeks consumed with anger at the person who caused the accident (a person who has never been found) but realized it would never bring her back, so he told himself to let it go ...
Seeing her mother so angry still that someone was in such a hurry their actions took her daughter away was the worst I think. I broke down telling her how when I first heard about the crash I thought that I hoped she wouldn't have to go through as much as I did ... then realizing how much I wish she had the chance to fight like I did ...
Her mother gripped my hand so tightly and thanked T and I for being so kind. We had explained that we didn't work directly with her daughter, but we would see her in passing. She said that makes it all the more special that even people who weren't as close were still touched by her daughter.
I cried a good part of the way home, the words I said to her mother ringing in my ears ...
It's not fair. It's just not fair.