Forgiveness will set you free
I never knew when the day would come, but it finally has. I've realized I can let go and forgive because I really don't care any more.
I forgive Chris for all the pain and hurt he caused me. I've learned from it, I still carry wounds from it, but the raging anger I have for him is gone, mostly because I don't care what path his life has taken (when before I only wanted bad for him.)
I forgive Desiree because the choices she's made are hers and again, I don't care what has happened to her either.
I forgive Ben because oddly enough I know he really did have a love for me, however twisted, and his mental illness has dictated his life. Again, I don't care what choices he's made beyond me, it's not my life.
I forgive Jonathon for crashing in to me. I know he didn't go out that night with intent to harm. I will always carry his choice with me, but I no longer feel such violent anger towards him. I don't care any more how his life turned out.
I forgive Lori because I can no longer wonder what I did, I have to let it be that her choice was hers. Losing her as a sister was the hardest thing, mostly because I no longer trust anyone as easily, but I don't hold the anger any more and will remember her with fondness.
I forgive my mother for the choices she's made, for the things she's sad, and for what is yet to come. The way she's raised me, my self belief, has led to a life time of letting myself be abused (by others and myself) and that is proving to be the hardest thing to shake. I'm at a place though where I can say that her choices are hers, but there will always be high emotions with her.
I released this all today and I feel a million times better.